In the age of fast-track success and transactional relationships, the idea of marriage for convenience has resurfaced as a trend—especially among those seeking professional or geographical advantages. This issue, explored by Mazi Ogbonnaya Okoro, a U.S.-based researcher, challenges us to reconsider what marriage truly means.
Okoro recounts how, in years past, Nigerian men abroad scouted nursing schools in search of wives—women who could guarantee them not just companionship but also a ticket to the “better life.” Mothers, friends, and even enemies would hunt for these “ideal” wives, prioritizing profession over personality. But is this approach sustainable? Are we marrying a nurse or a life partner?
This mindset wasn’t limited to men. Female medical students in universities often held themselves as trophies to be won only by “abroad men.” For many families, marrying their daughters to these men was seen as a passport to prosperity. But times are changing. Women are now charting their own paths—earning scholarships, traveling abroad independently, and achieving success without being tethered to the narrative of “I took you abroad.”
Marriage: A Partnership, Not a Transaction
Marriage, as Okoro argues, should be about love, partnership, and growth. It should focus on shared values, trust, and mutual support—not on professions or financial gains. When two people genuinely love each other and align their goals, issues like bank balances become secondary. The foundation of marriage lies in where both partners are headed, not where they currently stand.
The dangers of entering marriage with a survival mindset cannot be overstated. Whether driven by profession, location, or financial stability, such unions often lead to dissatisfaction and, ultimately, failure. Okoro highlights the flaws in these transactional marriages, where professions overshadow personalities, leaving couples as “two enemies living together.”
The Role of Selfishness
The rationale for such marriages often boils down to selfishness. Men and women alike justify their actions, citing financial pressures or societal expectations. “If women marry for selfishness, men should too,” some argue. But this mindset reduces marriage to a calculated exchange, void of the emotional and moral foundation it requires.
Okoro’s experience with Igbo-American professionals in 2018 illustrates this point. Many men expressed interest in women solely based on their professions—nurses, doctors, or citizens. When Okoro refused to matchmake or “pimp,” he was ridiculed. But he stood firm, valuing genuine connections over convenience.
A Flawed Foundation
Marriages built on superficial motives—profession, status, or financial gain—are bound to face challenges. Okoro’s critique is not against marrying someone with a profession but against placing professions above essential qualities like trust, respect, and shared values.
The reality is that many marriages today are transactional. Partners see each other as stepping stones rather than life companions. This flawed foundation is why many marriages fail, with couples finding themselves trapped in unfulfilling relationships.
A Call for Reflection
Okoro’s argument is clear: marriage should not be a convenience store transaction. It is a partnership rooted in shared goals, mutual respect, and a vision for the future. Whether you choose to marry or remain single, the decision should stem from genuine intent, not societal pressure or personal gain.
Ultimately, the choice of whom to marry rests with each individual. But for those willing to listen, Okoro’s words serve as a reminder to prioritize authenticity over convenience—because a marriage of convenience often brings nothing but inconvenience.
