From childhood, many of us have absorbed lessons that need to be unlearned as we grow. In my personal journey, I’ve had to unlearn quite a few things. Growth, after all, is about learning, unlearning, embracing change, and welcoming diversity.
One of the most critical things that many men—and women—in Nigeria need to unlearn is the narrow view of what it means to be a man, especially in relationships. Recently, it became clear to me that a large number of Nigerian men struggle to support or even understand how to be a partner to successful women. Many were raised to believe that being a man is synonymous with being the primary financial provider, and when that dynamic shifts, they feel emasculated.
It’s a common sentiment among some men: “How can I live in a woman’s house?” or “How can a woman feed me?” No matter how financially secure a woman is, some men cannot fathom accepting her success without feeling diminished. This mindset persists even to the point where women are forced to hide their financial contributions in the relationship—handing over their ATM cards in public to avoid “emasculating” their husbands or lying about who paid the bills just to maintain a façade.
Here’s what I want to say to men: it’s foolish to define your masculinity by the amount of money you contribute. You are so much more than a walking ATM. Your value in a relationship—your role as a husband or partner—goes beyond financial transactions.
The immense value my husband has brought into my life isn’t tied to money. If I were to reach Oprah Winfrey’s level of wealth tomorrow, I would still need him as much as I do today. In fact, I need him every single day. We can’t even stay mad at each other for more than 20 minutes because the connection runs far deeper than finances. No, I am not broke—far from it—but the emotional and psychological support he provides makes him irreplaceable.
So, instead of feeling threatened by a woman’s financial success, Nigerian men need to start focusing on creating emotional and intellectual value in their relationships. Be the partner that a woman needs in ways that money can’t buy. Let her feel your presence, your support, and your strength in ways that make you indispensable, no matter how successful she becomes. Because, ultimately, your worth as a man is much greater than the money in your bank account.
Anthony Emeka Nwosu
